Saturday, July 26, 2008

60th Birthday Speech

If you find yourself reading this post, then you must have reached the point of desperation. I know, I was there a few weeks ago. I was hosting a 60th birthday party and needed to come up with a short speech that would somehow engage the audience before the program started.

I'm posting the speech here in case you need help too. Just let me know you used it in the comments box (and let me know if you got a laugh or two too!)

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Happy Birthday
birthday celebrant
!

And welcome to all the guests who are here today. Thank you for being here to share this moment with our birthday girl/boy.

A full house at a birthday party certainly shows that there is a lot of love in the room. And I don’t know about you guys, but the most obvious reason why I am here is because I love, love, absolutely love ......... the guy who is signing the check later on today ....
name of party organizer/spouse of celebrant
. (drum roll)

No seriously, we are here because we love
birthday celebrant
. Free food, an open bar and a lot of arm twisting from
(name of spouse of birthday celebrant)
have absolutely nothing to do with why I am here.

But
birthday celebrant


We are here because we want you to know how much we appreciate everything you've done for us. You are a special lady, loving wife and mother, dutiful daughter, one-and-only sister to your ... er .... interesting brothers, always-there aunt to all your nephews and nieces, and ... ehrm ... future mother-in-law. Sorry
girlfriend/boyfriend of son/daughter!
(You can change this to suit the circumstance of the celebrant.

60 years is certainly a milestone. At this age, most people will say you are over the hill. I disagree.

60 years is not over the hill. I say 60 years is WAYYYY over the hill!

No seriously. I say 60 years is not over the hill because I know for a fact that
birthday celebrant
is absolutely and certifiably not capable of climbing over any hill! (wah wah ... )

Still, we want you to know that we think you have a lot to celebrate.

At 60, you are now a sexagenarian. I repeat, at 60, you are now a SEXagenarian.

Wow, look how excited he/she is! (laughter)

Now I know there is a joke in here .... SEXagenarian (for emphasis). But I will end it here because you know (name of very traditional older person) is in the house.

OK, so I looked up the famous people who were born in 1948 and it looks like you are in good company. As an honorary member of the Perm Nation, you share the same hair style, I mean, birth year as Richard Simmons, the crown prince of spandex, baby doll shorts and adidas headbands.

And then there is Ozzy Ozbourne, the rock and roll Prince of Darkness, and Charles Windsor, Prince of England. Al Gore was also born in 1948.
So was another birthday celebrant in the room
. (Make funny/disapproving face). So you know, there’s a bit of a hit and miss here, but I think there is also a lot of potential from that year.

So let’s have a bit of audience participation here to see how well you know our birthday girl. I have my prize patrol ladies standing by to hand out prizes to the first person who can shout out the answer!

What is her/his shoe size?

Where did she/he and their spouse/significant other meet?

How does his/her spouse describe her (give hints)?

What is her favorite color: blue

What is her favorite expression?

(Etc, etc ... you get the idea).

So let’s fast forward 60 years and look at where you have been.

You have a wonderful wife/husband, a loving daughter/son, the gift of health, and a roomful of family and friends who don’t seem to know squat about you! (assuming they did not get a lot of answers right)

Actor Jeremy Irons, also born in 1948, once said … “We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams.”

So
birthday celebrant
...

I wish you good health, long life, continued prosperity, a complete wardrobe makeover, and the gift of a brand new flatiron. DREAM ON!

2 comments:

Eleanora said...

Dear 60th birthday speech maker

I must say I was quite impressed with your speech but it could not be given just to any audience but for the audience it could be given itwas very humourous and witty and really light and funny.....well done defiinately gives ideas for anyone wanting to plan a birthday speech well laid out also...thank you...paulene

Jt said...

Dear "60th Birthday Speech" maker,
With some minor adjustments your speech was well received at my wife's 60th. Many thanks, JohnT